Redundancy
by BethanyShaa
Summary: A light, fluffy slice of life turns into something more. Set in an AU.
1. Redundancy

Feeling the dead weight of slumber still pinning his body to the bed, Akutagawa parted his eyes enough to see the sunlight pouring through a crack in the curtains.

"Fuck, how late was I awake again?"

The hoarseness of his voice startled himself and he buried his face back in his pillow as a cough escaped. On reflex, his hand outstretched, groping the nightstand for some cough syrup. His hand landed on the bottle, but not before knocking over the lamp and his cellphone. He gave the bottle a shake. Empty. Another cough. With a flick of his hand, the bottle flew to the corner of the room with a "clack", laying amongst no fewer than 9 other bottles of empty cough syrup.

"Well, I guess that's my first stop." Akutagawa had few plans today. It was a rare off day, and he had fully intended on staying in as much as possible, with his only plan being meeting his sister in the afternoon to pick up her laundry. He didn't have a siscom, but he didn't think it was right for her to pay for the laundromat when his apartment offered a laundry area. How long had he been doing her laundry now? He felt a tug at his heart remembering the day his sister said she wanted to move out.

"Totally useless" Akutagawa sighed. She had only left for independence, seeing as she didn't leave for a boyfriend or even a flat mate. Thinking about it made him feel things he'd rather not. It was natural for a woman to want to be on her own. If they'd had stayed in this apartment together much longer, people may have started to talk.

He threw the heavy duvet off himself. It almost felt like being buried alive. Akutagawa was small, he had always had a chronic cough, and he often fainted. He stood, stretched his arms up over his head, and leaned forward to grab his boots. He usually left the house without looking in the mirror, he really wasn't one for conceit, but he did notice the sheet marks on his face as he drew toward the door.

"Tch" and he pulled the hood up over his head, and tugged hard on the strings.


	2. Redundancy p 2

\- A few streets away-

 _Beep beep. Beep beep. Beep beep_.

An alarm sounded on the nightstand. It was one of those alarms that wasn't completely obnoxious, just a mid tone, the kind that heavier sleepers never hear. Atsushi grabbed his phone and swiped his finger across the screen to "silence" the alarm. He was typically an early riser, the birds were his alarm, but he'd had a late night last night. Nothing completely out of the ordinary, he'd just spent Saturday night getting lost in endless YouTube videos about cats. It's easy to do, those side links will draw you down a never ending tunnel, leaving you at a place you never knew existed. "That's the latest I've slept in months!" He exclaimed and with one fluid motion, he had already jumped out of bed and was heading into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He turned on the water and reached for his toothbrush, noticing his reflection in the mirror. "Sheet marks." He put his palm against his face and traced the temporary crevices the sheets had created across his cheek.

Coming out of the bathroom, he glanced at the clock and saw it was just passed 1 in the afternoon. He was supposed to meet a friend at the book store at 1:30.

"I better get going". Atsushi grabbed a light jacket from it's resting place on the arm of the couch and threw it across his shoulder (just in case), and pulled the door shut behind him.

 _Buzz_.

He pulled his phone from his back pocket and saw he had a text message from his friend and coworker, Dazai-san.

"Sorry, something came up, and you know how I'm drawn to adventure~~

Let's make a rain check for next Saturday, I'll have lots to tell you ;)"

He let his arm fall, and slowly turned his gaze toward the ceiling in thought. Could he have met a girl? "I guess I'll find out later." Dazai was known to be a flirt, and he was also pretty flaky. Atsushi decided to go out anyway considering he was already making his way down the flight of stairs that led to the exit of his apartment building. "I need to pick up that book anyway."


	3. Synchronicity

The air on the street was crisp and cool. It was mid- November, and while it rarely snowed, the nip in the air had settled early this year. Every time a diesel passed by, Akutagawa hid his face in the crook of his arm. It wasn't a long walk down to the pharmacy, 6 blocks, but this weather wreaked hell on him every time. He ducked his head down into his jacket and pulled at the zipper to make sure it was as far up his face as it could go.

##

* * *

Atsushi was taking his time walking to the bookstore. He enjoyed fall, and inhaled deeply as he stopped to admire some flowers in the window at a florist. He crossed the road with the signal change, and passed occasional smiles and nods with acquaintances and other people who generally walked in the neighborhood. A guy in a black jacket, who had his head down and wasn't looking, bumped into his shoulder as he just approached the book store. "Oh, my apologies!" Atsushi said while he bowed just a little. The black clad man did not turn around, he took leave in the store just beside Cedar Books and Cafe, the local pharmacy.

##

* * *

Inside the pharmacy, Akutagawa unzipped his jacket just enough to comfortably see the shelves. "Hey Chad", he nodded his recognition at the clerk.

"Man, are you out already, Ryu?" He shook his head, and quickly turned his attention back to a magazine splayed open on the counter.

"It's late fall. You know the climate change kills me." He rolled his eyes, and huffed a bit under his breath. Really, he did not feel like getting judged from a man in his 40s who openly read smut magazines on the clock. He grabbed 5 bottles of cherry cough syrup and trudged back up to the front. "Jesus, Ryu, this stuff isn't good for you. Just how much are you drinking?"

"It's none of your business, Chad. Just ring them up so I can leave."

Akutagawa threw some crumbled bills down, grabbed the bag (maybe he jerked the bag) from Chad, and left. The chill hit his face, he coughed, and suddenly realized he had forgotten to zip back up. He inhaled deeply, and felt a little dizzy, reaching his arm out to steady himself against the brick wall of the store. "Please not here. Just let me make it home." He thought. He stuck his hands in his pockets. No cell phone. "Shit." He was going to sit down and call Gin, his sister, to come get him, but he vaguely remembered he had knocked it in the floor. And then the world went black.

##

* * *

Atsushi stood from his bow, shrugged, and pushed the door open to the small shop. This had to be one of his favorite places in town. There was a tiny cafe with two little tables in the back left corner. You could smell the fresh coffee throughout the whole store. It smelled like heaven. He inhaled deeply, and got one of those sappy smiles on his face before snapping back to reality. "The book!" It was hard to not run to the "new releases" shelf. There it was. He picked it up, flicked through the crisp pages, and hugged it close to his chest. A new manga in a series he was reading had come out, and the last one was a huge Cliff hanger.

"Is that all?" Asked the sales attendant. Atsushi didn't recognize her, but he smiled and nodded. He payed, and almost floated out of the store. Normally, he would have headed to the back to sip some black tea on his first read through, but he could not wait to get home today for some reason.

 _Clunk_

Atsushi snapped out of his euphoria and saw black jacket guy fall onto the sidewalk in front of him.


	4. An Awkward Walk Home

"Oh my gosh, are you ok?" Atsushi lunged forward, and rolled the strange guy over onto his back. He knew it had to be the one who had ran into him a few minutes ago. He picked up the pharmacy bag that had fallen on the ground, contents jumbled, and he couldn't help but peek inside. "Well, that's a lot of cough syrup, I wonder why..." But his thoughts were cut short when he realized black jacket guy was coughing.

 _At least he's conscious_.

"Hey, are you ok?"

The man pulled himself onto his knees as his cough subsided.

"I am fine, if you don't mind-" he held his hand out for the cough syrup but Atsushi didn't take the hint. He clasped his hand and said "I'm Nakajima Atsushi, it's nice to meet you!"

With his free hand, jacket guy pointed at the bag. "Oh..." Atsushi released the man's hand and held the bag out, by the handles, in both hands as he bowed again. "Sorry! I didn't look...no I did, but I didn't mean to.." His head was down so the stranger didn't see the blush trail across his cheeks.

"It's fine. This weather just aggravates my cough." He tried to stand up, but as he put weight on one leg, he fell back to his knees.

"Are you ok? I can call you a cab if you need one."

"I only live a few blocks away."

"I'll help you get there then! I live close by also!" He offered a genuine smile.

Akutagawa knew he would never, under normal circumstances, agree to such a request. It was beneath him to ask for help like he was a charity case but..

"I forgot my phone, so I guess it's fine this time."

"What's your name?"

"Ryuunosuke Akutagawa. Just call me Akutagawa."

Atsushi offered his hand to Akutagawa again, and this time he begrudgingly used his arm to pull himself up.

"I am ok. Let's just start walking."

"Ya you really look just great." Atsushi's eyes narrowed. Is this guy for real? Akutagawa had heavy black bags under both eyes, his hair had obviously not been brushed, he was pale, his cheeks sunk in and it looked like he had the beginnings of wrinkles, though he couldn't be much older than Atsushi.

"Are you hungry?"

"No. I just want to get back, drink my cough syrup, and check on Gin."

Who could Gin be? Maybe a girlfriend. Atsushi couldn't help but wonder who would find Akutagawa particularly attractive. Maybe he would be if he took care of himself.

"Oh, Gin? That's nice you have a girlfriend who can take care of you when you're sick." _Smooth ice breaker_ , Atsushi grinned to himself.

"You idiot. Gin is my little sister. I was supposed to meet her, she's probably worried."

Ice breaker melted _. Maybe I should just help him along in silence_ Atsushi thought. He didn't seem interested in making friends or even conversation for that matter. He couldn't help it though, he was talking again before he had barely promised himself he wouldn't.

"What were you going to do together?"

"Don't sound so weird about it, I do her laundry for her."

"Well you certainly don't look like the type to do his little sister's laundry."

Akutagawa stopped, his hand dug into Atsushi's arm. This took him by surprise, and he tripped a bit as he came to a standstill.

"Shut up. Why is everything you say so damn stupid. She's the only family I have left."

"Lucky." It was genuine. Akutagawa didn't catch on, though.

"What did you say?"

"You're lucky. That's one more family than I've got."

"Oh, I'm sorry I guess." For the first time, Akutagawa's body relaxed just slightly, and he loosened his grip on Atsushi's arm again, proceeding to walk.

Atsushi just waved his hand through the air. "It's easier for me, I've always been alone."

"What do you mean 'easier for you'?"

"Well, I can't imagine losing everyone I cared about."

"May I ask how you know I lost my family?"

Atsushi smirked, he wanted to lighten the atmosphere again, "Oh I'm not sure...maybe it has something to do with that huge chip on your shoulder..ever consider that's why you keep falling over?"

"You think you're so clever." Akutagawa was about to let go of Atsushi's arm, but his knees buckled again, and he instead bent over to catch his breath. He could sense the irony in this and what had just been said, and purposely avoided eye contact with Atsushi.

"We're almost there, that's my apartment building." Akutagawa pointed at the run down building right across the street. There were traces of grafitti on the wall where someone had obviously tried to wash them off.

"Just a bit further then!" Atsushi piped in. He couldn't help feel a little relief that they could soon part ways.


	5. Hospitality? If you can call it that

_Oh God, this is so humiliating_. Akutagawa was practically fuming, forehead wrinkled, with his teeth grit tightly together.

 _There is absolutely no fucking way_. He hung his head, but didn't dare say a word of what he was thinking.

Atsushi stood awkwardly, examining the facts a few steps behind Akutagawa. The apartment building's elevator was out of order. There was only one shaft due to the age of the building. His new acquaintance was standing at the front of the entrance to the fire escape stairway, head in his palm, and he was sure he could hear his teeth rubbing together. Atsushi rocked back and forth on his heels for a second or two before a light snapped on in his head. He took a small step forward and put a hand on Akutagawa's shoulder, clearing his throat just a bit so he sounded sure of himself, "I don't mind carrying you up the stairs." Atsushi put a forced grin on his face as Akutagawa turned his head slowly to meet his gaze. It was obvious he wore a look mixed between anger and hatred. Akutagawa pressed his lips together, puffed his cheeks full of air, and slowly released the breath.

"I want to make one thing clear, Atsushi..." and he grit his teeth again, speaking through them this time, "Don't tell anyone about this." Akutagawa was too proud to admit he needed help, but he wasn't dense. He knew he was too weak to make it up the stairs alone, and he couldn't give his sister any reason to worry about him. If he could just make it to his room and text her, he could figure out what to do from there.

"Of course." Atsushi relaxed and his smile changed so it no longer looked forced. He cleared his throat and turned around, crouching a little, to hint for Akutagawa to get on his back. Akutagawa reluctantly put one leg up around Atsushi's waist, then leveraged the other up when some of the weight was removed.

"This is so humiliating." He let his head flop on to the back of Atsushi's neck.

Atsushi felt a rush of heat and he startled a bit, "I'm sure you have a fever, Akutagawa. You need to lay down when we get upstairs."

Atsushi pushed the door to the fire escape open, and slowly made the ascent, carefully holding onto the wall.

"Do you have the bags ok?"

Akutagawa shook his hands a bit to rattle the packages, "They're good."

He did feel a little feverish now that he had the chance to think about it. His face was flush, but he was still cold from being outside. He shivered, and let out a dry cough. There was another sensation also, something pleasant. The feeling of getting carried, weightless, up the stairs.

 _Have I ever felt this before_? _Maybe when I was a baby, but I don't remember_.

He could smell Atsushi's hair, and he actually thought it smelled nice, comforting even.

 _My fever must be pretty high._

He tried to count the stairs as they walked to the third floor, but he only got to 12 before he was being woken.

"Do you have a key?" Atsushi was already attempting to set Akutagawa down, which startled him awake.

Drowsy and confused, he put a hand to his back pocket before saying, "It's open."

Atsushi turned the knob, and sure enough it swung forward. He furrowed his eyebrows "Is that safe?"

Akutagawa stepped around Atsushi and walked over the threshold, "I lost it 3 years ago and never got a new key from the landlord. I'm not worried about it, I keep a knife under my mattress." And he nodded his head toward the right of the room where his bed stood in the back corner. Atsushi sighed. _I guess it's none of my business_.

He wasn't invited in, but Atsushi wanted to make sure Akutagawa was alright before he left, so he entered the room and eased the door shut behind him. He took a moment to survey the room. A small studio apartment, minimally decorated, but clean and practical. He cleared his throat and threw his jacket (that had never left his shoulder) onto the couch that sat a little to his left, "Want me to make you some dinner?"

Akutagawa had already walked the length of his tiny apartment, sat a bottle of cough syrup on the nightstand to the right of his bed, and was fumbling around on the floor. Atsushi heard a thump, then Akutagawa's head peeked just over the mattress. "You have got to be kidding me. There is no way in hell you could make something even remotely edible." He flicked his cell phone onto the mattress, pulled out another bottle of cough syrup, opened it and took a long drag on the bottle.

Atsushi brushed off his offense, "I will have you know, I had to learn to cook for myself at a young age. I've not had any complaints." He didn't want to let this guy know he was starting to get to him. Hadn't he done nothing but help him today?

Akutagawa practically snorted and nodded his head toward the kitchen. "Don't make me laugh. There's curry in the fridge, why don't you get some bowls and warm it up. Also, don't get the wrong idea. I would have asked you to leave already, but I'm considering this my thanks for you getting me home." He took another drink of medicine, cleared his throat, and fell hard on the bed. Atsushi had decided not to argue. He was opening cabinets to look for some bowls when he heard a cell phone ring that wasn't his. In a voice he didn't recognize as Akutagawa's (but it had to be), he heard "Hey sis!"


	6. Babysitting

Atsushi had managed to find his way around the small kitchen just fine. He had been sitting alone at the table for about 5 minutes now,  
eating what was arguably the best curry he'd ever eaten. Not that he could tell Akutagawa that- ever. He was trying really hard not to  
eavsdrop on the phone call taking place. It was hard to put together all the, "Ya", "I'm ok", "Uh huh", and the like when you only heard  
one side of the conversion. He held a bite of curry almost to his mouth, when a cell phone was slipped beside his bowl on the table.  
"Gin wants to talk to you, can you just appease her please?" And he took a long drink from the cough syrup, pulled out a chair and sat down.

Atsushi suddenly felt extremely nervous. He had his eyes darted on the phone. Lowering his spoon he thought, _I guess I'll see what she wants_.

"Hello? this is Nakajima Atsushi speaking."

"Ryuunosuke Gin. I'm appreciative of you taking my brother home. He's pretty hard headed."

"Mmmm ya, I guess I can see that." Atsushi cocked his head sideways and wrinkled up his nose. Akutagawa was alternating bites of curry with  
sips of cough syrup.

"I know it's a lot to ask, but you have to be a nice person..."

 _Uh oh_.

"Do you mind staying with Aku tonight? I can tell he's over doing it on the medicine, and he can get pretty sick fast if he's got a  
fever."

"Uh..well..I do-"

"Please? Just until I can come by there tomorrow morning. He's a doofus, but he really isn't a bad guy."

Atsushi's heart sank. He really didn't feel like he knew how to take care of this person, but he felt a strange obligation to the girl  
on the phone.

"Just until you get here. I guess that's ok."

"Really? Thank you!"

 _Click_.

"Well, whaddshe want?" Slurred Akutagawa. His face was beet red, and he kept swaying dangerously in his chair like he couldn't quite  
hold his balance. Atsushi leaned over and took the cough syrup out of his hand.

"Gibbit back!" His hand swung out for the bottle, and-

 _Clunk_

He did fall out of his chair.

"Seriously, how do you ever take care of yourself? You really need to pull yourself together." Atsushi felt a little badly for lecturing  
Akutagawa, seeing as they had just met.

"S'was perfectly fine, just go." He was still on the ground, but he was motioning his hand toward the door.

"No. I promised your sister I'd look after you tonight. You should be ashamed of making your little sister think you need babysat!" Honestly, what  
was this guys' problem? Atsushi took the bowls from the table and placed them into the sink. It won't matter if they get washed tomorrow. He just  
wanted to go to sleep, maybe read a bit of his book so the day didn't feel like a complete waste. He tapped his mouth with his finger and decided  
he'd have to pick Akutagawa up and put him in bed himself. He kicked the chair away a little, and stooped forward, cradling him like a child.  
He wasn't much bigger than one, Atsushi thought.  
"Honestly...honestly.. but you do look like you're burning up." I bet he doesn't keep a thermometer around for himself, either. He stepped over to the bed and laid Akutagawa down on top of the mattress, glancing around the room. He noticed a lamp on the floor beside the nightstand, and a pile of empty cough syrup bottles.

Back on the couch, Atsushi tried to read his manga, but his head was spinning. This was definately not how he'd planned his Saturday to go. He  
pulled his phone from his front pocket and his heart sank a bit when he had no missed messages. He swiped it on, and sent a quick text to Dazai- "And  
you think your Saturday is exciting. We will have something to talk about." No sooner than he was about to lay it down, it buzzed.

"OooOooo you lucky dog! ;-P~"

Atsushi sighed. _Yeah right_. Atsushi slid down onto the couch and closed his eyes. He could hear himself breathing, but he could also hear Akutagawa who was taking sharp raspy breaths, and occasionally let out a small whine. It almost sounded sad. He decided to get up and check on him.

Akutagawa was sweating a little bit, probably his fever breaking, and he kept making that whining sound when he exhaled. _Maybe he's having a bad dream_.  
Atsushi pushed Akutagawa's bangs off his forehead, and kneeled beside him. Raspy inhale, followed by a small whine. Over and over and over. He put his hand to his forehead again. _I think his fever is gone at least_. He was about to stand up when Akutagawa's hand lurched up and grabbed his shirt. Startled,  
he looked down at him, but his eyes were still closed. "Just stay." Atsushi was pretty sure he was talking in his sleep. His hand relaxed and fell back  
onto the bed.


	7. Humiliation

Slowly coming into consciousness, Akutagawa raised his hand and pressed it to his forehead.

"Man, my head is killing me." He reached his arm out, grabbed the cough syrup bottle, sighed, and threw it beside him on the bed.

"I think I'm thirsty."

So he threw his legs off the side of the bed, and kicked something laying in the floor.

"Oooooow, what time is it??" A groggy Atsushi rolled over onto his back and put his arm over his eyes. He realized now he probably should have taken Akutagawa's boots off last night.

"Dunno, I'm getting some water. What are you doing on the floor?"

"I just fell asleep." He didn't want to tell him about the whining earlier, he knew he'd be embarrassed. Atsushi pulled himself into the fetal position up close to the wall.

"Alright, I moved."

Akutagawa proceeded to stumble out of bed, and walked into the kitchen for a glass of water.

 _Damn, what exactly happened last night. I vaguely remember Gin calling._

He massaged his temples. It had to still be pretty early in the morning, the apartment was pitch black. He sat the glass down on the counter and shuffled back to bed, sat on the edge and pulled his shoes and jacket off.

"Go lay on the couch."

He was met with silence.

"Tch. Suit yourself." Akutagawa climbed under the covers and tried to think about yesterday.

"Mmm I passed out at the pharmacy." He remembered Atsushi helping him home, but honestly not much after that. He can never think straight when he gets a fever.

"Thanks for walking me." He mumbled into the darkness, and to his surprise the darkness replied,

"It was nothing." Atsushi lied. He had been thrown into this situation and really just felt awkward.

The answer startled Akutagawa.

"I thought you were asleep." He sighed deeply into the pillow and closed his eyes tight.

"I think I was, but the floor isn't that comfortable. I keep waking up, but I'm too tired to move." It was hard to understand Atsushi, he was talking really quietly and had that sleep drunk voice.

"Man, you really are useless." Akutagawa flipped over so his back would be facing Atsushi.

Atsushi wasn't sure why, but those words really made his blood boil. He sat up, and slammed his fist down on the floor.

 _Ouch, my arm is asleep_.

"How can you say that? I spent my day off helping you get back home, I didn't have to do that. Anyone else would have left your moody ass on the sidewalk. Not only that, but after you made a complete idiot of yourself by getting so drunk on cough syrup that you fell on the floor, I didn't leave you there- I should have. I don't know why I felt sorry for you. I'll just leave right now." And he tried to stand up, but it was proving difficult. The left half of his body was still tingling.

Akutagawa felt that annoying tug inside his chest, and he was glad it was dark because he was sure he was red faced a bit, and not from a fever this time.

"You don't need to feel sorry for me. I can manage just fine on my own. Maybe I wouldn't care if no one picked me up when I fell."

"How can you thank me and berate me in nearly the same sentence? I had plans last night, but I chose to help you instead.. you're extremely ungrateful."

Atsushi pulled his knees to his chest and laid his head down on them.

 _What's with this guy_.

Akutagawa was gritting his teeth again. It pained him to feel so many emotions at once. He pressed his face into his pillow and screamed. Atsushi's head jerked up from his knees, and he looked in the direction of Akutagawa, waiting for him to speak.

"I'm sorry. It's hard enough for me to say that, but I mean it, ok? I'm sorry, but I also think you should have left me yesterday. I'm the one that's useless." And he'd said enough, he pulled the covers over his head. It wasn't sympathy he was looking for, he really believed what he said.

Atsushi didn't really know what to say..but saying nothing didn't feel right either. He inched toward the bed and laid his head on the edge.

"I don't think useless is the right word. Your sister seems to think highly of you." That's all he could think of. He really hadn't seen many redeeming qualities in Akutagawa, but his sister had said he wasn't a bad guy.

 _She probably just said that so I'd stay_.

"I'm a burden on Gin. She left because she was tired of taking care of me, which is humiliating. I should be taking care of her."

"Even so... I know she loves you."

"This really isn't about Gin right now." He huffed. Akutagawa didn't like talking about his family situation to a guy he barely knew.

"I said thanks for getting me home, let's just get to sleep so this night can be over." He reached for the cough syrup on the bed, opened it and took a sip.

Atsushi sighed, "I really think you should lay off the cough syrup."

 _Thump_

Akutagawa had held the bottle out for Atsushi, but rapped him in the head with it. He was closer than he'd expected. Atsushi took the bottle and sat it on the floor.

"Thanks." He rubbed his head where the bottle had hit it.

"I have to drink it. I've had a cough for as long as I can remember. It helps me."

"You haven't coughed for a while now, not even while you were asleep."

"I need it, ok?" _God what's with this guy? He's not my mother._

At least he'd gotten the bottle from him tonight, "Ok." He didn't know why Akutagawa felt so dependent on it, but he decided to drop it for now.

"Mmm so.. were you having a bad dream?" Atsushi was feeling more awake now, and he always felt chatty when around other people.

"I don't remember my dreams, ever. Why do you ask that?"

"I dunno, you were whining a little bit in your sleep, but it was probably a fever nightmare."

Akutagawa felt his face flush. Had he been whining? Is that why Atsushi was laying beside him on the floor. He felt like he could explode with embarrassment.

A moment of silence had passed, and Atsushi tried to change the subject, he fumbled with his shirt tail and said, "So uh, the curry was pretty good."

" Can we not just go to sleep?" He really didn't feel like making small talk before the sun was out.

Atsushi stood up and walked over to the couch. I guess that's that. He flopped down and closed his eyes as sleep fell over his body.

Akutagawa couldn't fall asleep. The words kept repeating over and over in his head, "You were whining in your sleep", he kept hearing Atsushi say those words and he strained to remember a hint of what had been going through his mind. _Pointless_. He sat up and looked at the nightstand. He could just make out his phone laying there, so he grabbed it and gave it a shake. 4:26.

 _Fuck, it is early_.

How long had he been laying there? He got up again, walked over the couch, and leaned down to look at Atsushi's face. He shined the light from his phone screen on him and saw he was breathing deeply, and squint his eyes against the light.

Asleep. _Well, I'd guess so_.

Akutagawa put his finger in his mouth and bit down on it.

How can I show him I really am greatful, even after acting like an ass last night?

"When you wake up, I'll make you some breakfast." He whispered to Atsushi.

 _That should be enough_.


	8. Beginnings

Atsushi woke the next morning greeted by the pleasant aroma of coffee and bacon. He didn't want to make himself known yet, last night was pretty tense. He stayed on the couch, comforted by it's softness, and took in his surroundings. Akutagawa was at the stove. He had the longer sides of his hair pinned back, and even donned an apron. He would probably look cute if he wasn't such an asshole. Atsushi covered the grin on his face.

 _He must really be into cooking; maybe he wants me to get out so he can eat_.

He sat up and cleared his throat loudly. Akutagawa did not turn around, but he said "Breakfast is almost ready."

 _Is he inviting me to eat with him_? Atsushi pursed his lips and got off the couch, walking closer to the table.

"Hey it smells really good!" He put on his best friendly voice because he wanted to clear the air between them, maybe even start over today. "Oh! You have my favorite blend of coffee!" Atsushi said animatedly.

"Do you really think it looks ok?" Akutagawa turned his head toward Atsushi.

 _Was that a glimmer of a smile in his eye_?

"Yeah, it looks fantastic!" Atsushi replied. There was hope.

"Just have a seat, I'll bring you a plate. How do you take your coffee?"

Atsushi covered his mouth again and giggled.

"What's funny?"

Atsushi didn't know if he should respond, but he just couldn't help it.

"It's just that you almost look like a house wife right now, but your attitude has certainly contradicted that." He continued to smile, but noticed Akutagawa narrow his eyes.

"It's not a bad thing! It's a good look for you!" Atsushi had tears in his eyes by this point.

Akutagawa sat the mug he had gotten out back down by the sink and said, "You can prepare your own coffee then." And he turned back to the stove where the bacon was sizzling.

"Come on, lighten up Akutagawa." Atsushi slid his chair back and proceeded to pour his coffee. "How do you take yours? Allow me if you will." And he gave a small, sarcastic bow.

Akutagawa closed his eyes, "If you wish- I take it black."

" I might could have guessed that." Atsushi nudged Akutagawa's shoulder as he reached for a second mug.

 _That smell_ , thought Akutagawa, _what was that smell just then._

Akutagawa tilted his head toward Atsushi and tried to think.

"Oh!" He had said it out loud. _Shit, I didn't mean to say t_ _hat_. He startled himself and dropped his spatula in the floor.

"I mean, oh look, the bacon is done." He said as he bent down to grab the utensil. _That was close_.

Akutagawa had remembered smelling Atsushi as he was carried up the stairs, but didn't know why it had flustered him.

"I'll get it." Atsushi had bent down at the same time and wound up grabbing Akutagawa's hand instead.

The moment of awkward silence between them bent down on the ground lasted a bit too long for Akutagawa. He stood up, cleared his throat and said, "If you don't mind sitting down. I am trying to say thank you for yesterday."

Atsushi nodded. He placed the spatula on the counter and sat down at the table.

"So what do you do for work?" Atsushi tried to change the subject.

"I don't think that's an appropriate conversation over breakfast."

"But now you've piqued my interest!" Atsushi scooted up to the front of his seat, Akutagawa was plating the food and didn't take the bait.

"What do you do for work then? If you want to make idle talk that badly."

Atsushi could swear he felt a chill in the room, and it had been going so well earlier.

"Well, actually, it's nothing very exciting. My friend is a journalist and he hired me on to edit for him. He's great at getting good stories, but sometimes his embellishments are a little off." He thought about Dazai-san. If it weren't for Atsushi editing his work, it would be full of chat speak and emojis.

"That sounds nice." Akutagawa sat a plate of food in front of Atsushi: an omelette, bacon, and toast. He sat across the table and took a sip of his coffee, turning slightly sideways so he could rest his elbow on the table and not have to look Atsushi directly in the eye.

"Are you not going to eat any?" Atsushi raised an eyebrow as he picked up his fork.

Pulling his coffee away from his face, Akutagawa cooly replied, "It's fine, I usually can only eat once a day."

"Well this is really delicious, thank you again."

Akutagawa glanced over. "What's your favorite?"

"Hmm", Atsushi rubbed his chin a moment, "probably the omelette. I can never manage to make them without burning one side."

This got Akutagawa's attention. "So you really think it's good? Better than yours then?"

Atsushi nodded through a mouthful of food, "No doubt" and he gave a quick thumbs up.

Akutagawa relaxed back in his seat, seemingly pleased.

"I believe I told you that nothing you made could compare to my cooking already." He sat his mug down.

Atsushi just smiled, "I suppose you mentioned that. Speaking of last night, you seem to be feeling better today also. I'm glad. You had me worried last night."

Last night. A night Akutagawa really didn't want to remember. The account would have been embarrassing enough for close friends. At least that's what Akutagawa assumed, he didn't have any to really compare it to.

"I had a cold yesterday, I do feel better now at least." He put his hand to his head "See? No fever."

Atsushi had just finished with his food, he had practically inhaled it. He picked up his coffee and rested his arm on the table.

"So you won't tell me about your job, hmm... How old are you?"

"I'm Twenty. I'll be twenty-one in March."

"You've got a birthday coming up in a few months then! We'll have to celebrate!" Atsushi tried to be cheery. He did hope that they could become friends.

"No need to bother. You'll be leaving today, I doubt we'll see each other again." Akutagawa hid behind his coffee mug.

That annoying pain in his heart again. Why did that keep happening?

"Don't be like that! Everyone needs a birthday party!" Atsushi tried to nudge Akutagawa under the table, but he had stood up already.

"I've never had one before, I think I'll be ok." And he walked over to sit on the couch.

Atsushi didn't know how to respond to that. To be honest, he hadn't celebrated his birthday many times either. It seemed like he was very similar to Akutagawa, but the way they reacted to their circumstances was vastly different. He picked up his plate and laid it in the sink.

 _I guess he did the dishes from before_ , Atsushi thought, he noticed the bowls were gone.

He slapped his hand on the counter and walked over to the couch.

"Well", and he plopped down right beside Akutagawa, "there's a first time for everything!" He smiled, a really genuine smile and looked directly at Akutagawa. Akutagawa felt his heart flutter, and redness crept up his neck.

He forced himself to look at the floor and tried to push himself as far as he could into the corner of the couch.

"Do you mind scooting over," he pointed "there just a little."

Atsushi did as he was told.

 _I was just trying to be friendly_ , he thought.

 _What was that just now_? Akutagawa wondered. His heart had started pounding and his chest felt tight. He kind of had the feeling he wanted to scoot closer again.

"I'd better check my phone, I bet Gin messaged me about coming today.. she gets up early." Akutagawa made an excuse to get off the couch. He didn't like feeling confused.

He found his phone folded up in his bed sheets, and swiped it on. His shoulders dropped.

"Gin had a meeting come up, and she had to travel today to be able to make it for tomorrow. I really hope she has enough clean clothes." Akutagawa sighed and threw the phone back down. He crossed his arms and said, "You really don't have to stay here, you've already said yourself that I am fine today. I made you breakfast. We're even." He leaned over his bed on one knee and picked up his cough syrup, swiftly opening it and taking a draw on the bottle.

Atsushi raised his eyebrows, "You haven't coughed once this morning, what gives?" he pointed toward the bottle.

"Just prophylactic, you know..." Akutagawa trailed off, took another sip, and crossed his arms again.

 _Will this man just leave_? _He's frustrating me and I don't like it._

Atsushi had gotten up and walked around the couch, he tapped the bottle.

"Mind giving that to me?" He held his palm out and made puppy dog eyes in a joking way. Akutagawa felt his face grow hot, so he shoved the bottle into Atsushi's chest and turned on his heel to face the other wall.

"You are quite bothersome."

Atsushi sighed, "Well, it's obvious you need some guidance." He put his hand on Akutagawa's shoulder and said, "It's ok, Aku."

Akutagawa stood frozen. His heart was beating so hard he wondered if Atsushi could feel the pulse.

"When did we settle on nicknames?" Akutagawa asked.

"If you don't like it, it's fine. I just..I'm really trying here. I don't have a lot of friends either, and we were thrown together for some reason yesterday. Why not make the most of it?" Atsushi pulled his hand back and thought for a second.

"If you feel like it, why don't we hang out today?"

Akutagawa swallowed hard and nodded his head.

Atsushi reached for his pocket and pulled out his phone.

"I think there's some good movies on...or we could try bowling...hey! Have you been to the zoo in a while?"

Akutagawa shook his head. "I've never ...been to the zoo." Was this really happening? It hardly seemed real. This must be what friends normally do. Akutagawa guessed he wouldn't know if it was or not. Could being friends really be this easy? Did he even want to be friends with Atsushi? He really didn't know, but he thought maybe he wanted to see for himself. Just for today.

"We can go. I don't mind."


	9. A first date?

_How did we get to this point_

? Akutagawa thought.

Time seemed to rush by as Atsushi helped him get ready for a day out at the zoo. He had changed his clothes at some point; they had even taken an Uber. It felt like he was under water, getting shuffled along by some mysterious hands, but here they were. He had just gotten out of the car at the front entrance of the zoo.

 _Did we talk about anything on the way over_?

Akutagawa scratched his head and took a deep breath. It wasn't as cold today. That was one good thing.

"...so then, I had to have help carrying him home!"

 _I guess we had been talking, at least it seems Atsushi has. Why am I so nervous_?

He noticed his palms were sweating. He wiped them on the front of his pants and tried to pull himself together.

"That sounds completely idiotic."

Atsushi laughed, "It really was, but you had to be there. Maybe I can introduce you to my friends sometime."

Akutagawa started walking toward the ticket booth. Atsushi jogged a few steps to get in pace with him, "How about I get the tickets, and you can get lunch? They have great corn dogs here."

"That hardly sounds appetizing." He wrinkled his nose. "Go ahead, we can think about food later."

Atsushi stepped around, got the tickets, and handed one to Akutagawa.

"We're all set! Let's go!" He touched Akutagawa's hand for a second to guide him to follow.

Akutagawa couldn't help but feel a small tug of excitement. He felt the urge to run after Atsushi, but he instead walked casually behind, turning his head to look around. Atsushi had stopped about 12 feet ahead, he was looking at a parrot that the sign boasted could repeat any one word you said.

Akutagawa wasn't particularly interested in the parrot.

 _Hmm_ , he hummed to himself and tried to stand on his tiptoe to peer around the parrot exhibit.

He caught sight of a sign that read the tiger exhibit was open today.

"Hey! Jinko, wanna go see the tigers?"

Atsushi didn't turn around, he was talking to the bird, "Aren't you a pretty bird? Pretty birdy!" And waved his hand around to keep its' attention.

Akutagawa cleared his throat, "Hey.."

"Oh?" Atsushi startled. "Sorry, I didn't think you were talking to me. Did you call me Jinko?"

He had. _What is up with me_?

"You called me Aku earlier so I thought we were rolling with the nickname thing."

Atsushi smiled, "That's fine! I'll gladly accept a nickname from you, Aku. I'd love to see the tigers."

Akutagawa felt a blush rising in his cheeks again.

 _Do I think Atsushi is ...cute_?

He felt his heart flutter, but also disgust at the reaction he had to that man's smile. He had never had this feeling before, and it was making him very uncomfortable. He turned his gaze toward the pavement to escape that hypnotizing smile and set off toward the arrow on the sign, "Very well then."

Atsushi picked up walking with Akutagawa as he passed beside him.

"You know, I've always loved cats, and tigers are my favorite. I really hope there's a white one!"

Akutagawa nodded. He was under water again.

 _What is Atsushi saying? I can't even understand him. His lips are moving. All I can think about is..._

Akutagawa started to reach for Atsushi's hand, but he averted it at the last second, feigning interest in brushing it through his hair.

 _What am I thinking_?

"Oh wow, Aku, look!" Atsushi was hopping in place as he pointed to the left up ahead. "It's the tigers! Look how adorable they are! And there IS a white one! Eeeep!"

Atsushi ran and put his face directly on the glass.

Akutagawa started to smile, but disguised it as needing to cough. He stood beside Atsushi, hands in his pockets and peered into the expansive cage.

"They're so...big." He'd only seen them on TV before.

"They are just adorable! Look at that one over there licking his paw! And that other one is ...using the bathroom? Oh!"

Akutagawa was eyeing Atsushi from his peripheral vision.

 _No, you're adorable_. He thought.

Akutagawa started into a coughing fit, he motioned that he was going to sit on a bench just a few yards behind them. He pulled out his cough syrup from his jacket and downed about 3/4 of the bottle in one go. He wiped his mouth off as a little tried to escape before he could swallow.

 _Maybe I'm still sick_ , he thought. _That could explain why I keep feeling hot and dizzy._

Atsushi called back, "You ok, Aku?"

"Fine." He doubt Atsushi heard him, but he nodded his head, that seemed to do the trick.

Atsushi admired the tigers a few more minutes then joined Akutagawa on the bench.

"Ready to move on?"

"Yeah, how about that food? I may need to eat if I'm getting sick again."

" Good idea...hmm.." Atsushi stood up and looked around. He snapped his fingers and pointed, "It's over there!"

He led the way down a trail and they soon came upon a building with a sign that said "Food Court"

Atsushi held the door open and ushered for Akutagawa to go on, "After you."

Akutagawa entered the building and turned to ask what Atsushi wanted to eat, but he hadn't needed to ask.

"I really want a corn dog and a Coke icee!" Atsushi blurted out before the door had even closed.

Akutagawa nodded and went off in search of the corn dog vendor. Atsushi went and sat down at a table by a window in the corner.

 _Aku is acting a little strange_ , he thought, _maybe he didn't really want to come after all._ He sighed and watched a tree swaying it's branches in the wind.

"Two corn dogs and a Coke icee." Akutagawa announced as he set the tray down.

Atsushi turned his attention and clapped his hands together, "Thank you! Oh..but..did you not want a drink?"

Akutagawa had forgotten to get two drinks. He was about to say he didn't need one, but Atsushi cut in, "We can share, hold on." He disappeared for a few seconds and came back with another straw, waving it at Akutagawa. "Here you go!"

Akutagawa opened the straw and put it in the lid beside Atsushi's.

"Is this ok?" Akutagawa seemed unsure.

"Of course it is!" Atsushi picked up the drink and held the straw up to Akutagawa's face. He took a drink.

"It's not bad. Pretty good."

"You've never had a Coke icee before?" Atsushi took a turn having a taste. "Man, you've been missing out."

"What if I forget which straw is mine?" It was a valid question. He'd never shared a drink before.

Atsushi shrugged, "It's just for formalities I think, I won't mind if you do."

This thought was comforting to Akutagawa, for some reason. He relaxed a bit and they both enjoyed eating lunch.

"So where to? Anything you want to see?" Atsushi asked.

Akutagawa paused to think. "Do they have penguins here?"

"I think so! Let's go look!" And Atsushi grabbed Akutagawa by the hand and led him off at a small trot.

Akutagawa pulled his hand back, and slowed his pace.

 _Why was that so easy for him to do_?

"You ok? They're up here in a separate section usually- just follow me."

"Ok, I'm coming.." he tried to keep up, but was still confused. _How was it that Atsushi held my hand so easily? Was he just being friendly_?

"Jinko, wait up!" Akutagawa called out. Atsushi was already grinning at the door to the penguin exhibit.

"Man, you're slow, Aku. " Atsushi pushed the door open, again, for Akutagawa and he walked inside.

He put his arms across his chest and shivered a bit.

"It's colder in here." Akutagawa said, running his hands up and down his arms.

"Mmmm ya it is a bit. Want me to put my arm around you?" Atsushi opened his arm wide to offer room.

Akutagawa's heart skipped a beat. He really wanted to.

"I'm sure I'll be fine."

Atsushi shrugged and stood beside him, the penguins were getting fed, and they kept diving gracefully into their little pool to scoop out the fish, then popped back onto the rocks scattering the area.

"So you like penguins? They are pretty cool! Do you know much about them?" Atsushi was curious.

"Not really, a bit maybe. I know the dads will take over for the mom if she dies before the egg hatches."

"Really? That's amazing." Atsushi was very attentive.

Akutagawa watched a penguin bring a baby one of the fish it caught, and he hugged his arms tighter across himself.

Atsushi noticed Akutagawa looked uncomfortable.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked Akutagawa.

"Holding hands." Akutagawa had answered while his brain was still spinning, and the cold air was entering his senses. He realized what he had said only when he wondered why Atsushi had stopped talking. He was staring in his direction also. He didn't look angry, he looked blank like he was caught off guard. Of course he was.

Akutagawa turned, he started coughing, and walked quickly toward the door, throwing it open and looking for relief in the rest of his medicine.

Atsushi thought back, _is he mad that I grabbed his hand back there? Of course, I probably should respect his boundaries_. He left to catch up with him outside.

Akutagawa threw down his empty bottle and crouched on the ground, hugging his knees.

"Are you..ok?" Atsushi asked, bending beside him and putting his hand on his back.

Akutagawa shrugged off his hand, "I'm out of cough medicine and my chest hurts."

Atsushi sighed, "Let's get headed back home." He got his phone out of his pocket and put in a request for Uber pickup.

"They'll be here in 5 minutes. Let's just walk up to the front and wait."

Atsushi looked over at Akutagawa. He was curled up on the ground, coughing into his knees.

"Can you stand up? Do you need me to carry you?"

Akutagawa heard Atsushi, but he couldn't respond. His head was spinning from the cough syrup and embarrassment. Atsushi bent down and scooped Akutagawa up. He was very light, and cradling him like this, he suddenly realized how frail he seemed. They walked to the front in silence, Akutagawa pressing his eyes shut, with his arm over his face.

 _This is humiliating. Why is it always like this with you, Jinko?_

By the time they made it to the ticketing gate, their Uber was there. The woman walked around and held the door open for them. Atsushi slid into the car, slouched in the corner, and laid Akutagawa's head down in his lap.

He smiled, "I had a good time, Aku."

Akutagawa grimaced and turned over to hide his face in Atsushi's lap. He was pretty sure it was the cough medicine talking, but he mumbled, "You smell amazing, Jinko."


End file.
